mm.. just got back from alex's surprise b-day ;] fun fun fun, yea buh im all like mixed feelings bout everything.  Marco was leaving me every 2 seconds, and i just felt so left out, buh who cares lol it wasnt my party -> all that matters is tha alex was happy !.. well wuhever cuz the whole marco thing didnt really matter, cuz i had my own fun with him in the end, buh like sitting there watching everyone have "fun" from the "outside" , i realized alot !!! i dnt really know my friends, at least not all of them.  Ok well.. im not gunna be to specific because i dnt want everyone to know buh i guess ima explain how i feel?. one person, who i THOUGHT i was pretty close with, and knew for a while now, is someone totally different.  Today , to me, she seemed SO two-faced.. all i wanted to do was go up to her and smack her back to reality. not really.. buh yea lol ;] yea.. once shes around a group of people she always tries to be center of attention, all over every guy and then thinking they like it, well hun i see it from everyone else's point of view, and its not like that ;) ... the second someone gives her attention, she thinks shes above everyone else.  She acts pathetic to me atleast.  Seeing her today, make a fool out of her self really bothered me, cuz shes not like that around me.  I heard people say shes two faced.. or what ever buh not till this party did i see it for my self.  Im not saying she is two-faced, im just saying she was definetly acting like it today, shes different to me alone, and then wen were with a group of people she is like trying too hard.  As for today i had fun somewhat, marco is truley the best boyfriend and friend anyone could ever want, my mom is weird? like freaking PMS all year, but im glad the party turned out well, maybe im pmsing cuz of the time of the month, buh people are really changing like infront of our eyes, and not changing for the better, anywho as of right now.. i duno if my friends like me or they dnt.. buh no one is ever there for me wen im in need, and if they dnt like me... then just tell me .. anyway i still have marco <3

maybe i am pmsing, and maybe i am like over doing this, and  like taking what happened today the wrong way, buh this is how i feel right now ..... im not looking for friends, im looking for best friends.

hmm... i duno very weird day?! im like blah! .. well marcos acting all differnt but i dont blame him.. well i tried to make him happy today as best as i could and i think it kinda worked.  im still in love with him, but now im waiting for him to come to me, cuz i asked and he said iduno.. so if he wants to go back out, he'll come to me because he knows that i want to.. well i am VERY VERY happy after getting al those kisses from him today and we dnt even go out.. man i love him, and i wish we never broke up, but i cant turn back time, sry guys and everyone who is pissed at me cuz i broke up with him.  but i think we still act like boyfriend/girlfriend. so that makes me happy, and even though im "free".. i told him i wouldnt do anything with anyone else, and i wont.  I am still commited baby ;]  I love you more than anything and im sorry i messed up this baddly.  I hope you choose to go back out with me after this break but until then i will be thinking of you and you only.  <33 I STILL LOVE YOU MARCO

;] so yea ! thats all dedicated to my baby <-- yes hes still mine and im still his ! i think ... well we did establish that yesterday but he may not want to still, lol but he didnt push away wen i hugged him or reject my kisses.. so i have faith in us <3.. yea so anyway... today i got an acceptance letter to the 2005 Douglas Science Institue Program with maggie.. gosh i cant wait... away from this house!! yay ;].. well marcin wanted to hang out today but marco doesnt trust me alone with him.. and i dont think i should either.. so im not going to .. instead i might chill with alex.... so yea ill update tmrw on my life =) lol _xO_

                    SOMETiMES i WANNA BE YOUR LOVER

                                                        <3

                    SOMETiMES i WANNA BE YOUR FRiEND

lol .. blah i duno if i like this layout but it will do.. not like anyone really reads these.. lOL not mine at least buh ok ima start writing in this again, cuz i need somewhere to reveal my feelings ;]

well today. i duno i had a weird day.. all mixed up ! um scho0l was like ok or wuhever exept i got health<--big GRR ! ;[ no more marco in my gym !!... well anyway after scho0l me&marco waited for maggie cuz she had detention and then we started walking home, wen my madre picks us all up.. and she dropped marco off at my house cuz she had to do wuhever.. and he was gunna walk home.. well we were standing there and he asked me to the dinner dance with a ring and a cute note ;] and of course i said yes.. and then like right after that problems errupted and i got mad and he went home and my mom was being weird and omg i just didnt know wuh to do.. and im not goin into detail cuz the whole world could read this.. buh anywho yea !! lol  and i started thinking alot and like i dont wanna be in a commited relationship at my age anymore, expecially since i had so many restrictions, and i dont blame him cuz he really loved me .. buh im thirteen and i dont wanna be that serious.

</3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3

so anyway.. i went online and i started talkin to him bout it.. and i didnt wanna do it online, but we just got more into it and it just kinda happened.  SO WE BROKE UP .. and now i duno.. i think im regreting it.  like i asked him back out and he said he doesnt know.. and that we should stay on the break and see whats better.  I dont wanna go back into the relationship if its gunna be the same thing as before.. and he told me it would.. buh for some reason i  just  think that if maybe we stay apart for a little.. things will be different and better.. and i really hope so.  i just dont wanna go back to before, i mean we had a lot of GOOD memorys that are gunna last forever for i mean the bad ones just ruin it ALL.  so i duno if were staying friends or goin back out.. buh i really hope we go back out.. buh he already denied my request so im just going to wait for him.  I kinda wana be like friends with *benefits* buh thats not fair to either of us.. cuz i could always do that with many guys at a time.. so i duno.. i guess its gunna take time.  i just really cant believe its over, i love him so much and im not goin to stop saying it to him.. hehe buh im still going to the dinner dance with him and im giving my best effort to stay friends ;]  well like emilia said--> either we both change or just fuck it !! anyway.. im waiting for you know.. i just want you to make your self happy now, cuz i tried to make my self happy, but i failed and now i duno wuh to do .. just know theres always a place for you in my heart <3

      MONiKA&MARCO always&forever--> LOVERS&FRIENDS